How to Do Private Lessons For Year Round Swimmers

Coaching in Denmark was at times the most stressful but also the most fruitful thing I have done in swimming. One experience I am eternally grateful for was the chance to represent Denmark as a coach internationally on three occasions. 

When you're chosen as a coach for one of these teams, you're presented with a challenge. You'll be chosen because you're directly responsible for coaching one or more swimmer on the team. But you'll also be asked to coach swimmers who spend the rest of their year under the guidance of someone else. Beyond just going to the meet, we were also asked to coach swimmers on training camps.

That can basically go one of three ways:

1. You can diverge so greatly, both in terms of stroke feedback and practice type that you severely disrupt what is making the swimmer successful. Egg on your face and an angry coach back home, not to a disappointed and dejected swimmer.

2. You can basically try to be as hands off as possible, give little to no feedback and hope that you don't screw it up.

3. Somewhere in between #1 and #2, you can find a way to help the swimmer in a limited capacity, understanding the limitations of the time you have with them, but also taking the time to figure out what has made them successful up to this point and reinforcing that.

It took me a while to learn #3. I didn't do a very good job the first time I traveled for Denmark. By my third trip, I was getting the hang of it. That experience informs what I do now, which involves private work with swimmers that swim year round.

When you're doing private instruction, it can be tempting to draw contrast between yourself and a swimmers full-time coach. After all, you might assume that swimmers and parents want to see something different from you. You would be wrong.

Swimmers don't benefit from you drawing hard lines between multiple inputs. Instead, you have to find a way to give the swimmer confidence in both the intense instruction you're giving and the team environment they will return to.

I always emphasize to swimmers that I work with that their full-time coaches are responsible for teaching them to do many things right, and I often ask questions to get a sense of the kind of feedback that they may be getting in a team setting that their coach may not have had the time to follow through with them on. 

When you pull this off, the swimmer leaves with more confidence that they are moving forward, but also a renewed faith in the coach they see day in and day out. Even though the swimmers I work with make great strides, I don't publicize who I work with.

When I began this work, I found that in every case coaches were hostile to the idea of someone working privately with their swimmers. I can understand why. Now, I am getting referrals from year round coaches. Why? Because they've realized that I'm just here to help and make them look good in the process.

The best result for me is a swimmer, parent and full-time coach that are all happy with the progress made. I spoke with a parent this morning who credited our private work with her son's renewed commitment to attend morning practice and dedication to his year round team. I'm proud of that- and proud to work in partnership with other coaches.

Are you interested in private instruction that can make a lasting difference in as few as four sessions? Contact me. 

Swimming Myths: Holiday Training and "Mental Toughness"

The holidays are approaching, and all across the country coaches are getting excited. Not for presents underneath the tree, mind you, but for the opportunity that is afforded by the vast majority of American swimmers, who are in some form of school, having a break.

Freed from the shackles of day to day schoolwork, there's an opportunity to train: more, faster, harder. To what extremes varies from coach to coach, but it's often this time of year that I see the type of sets that have no place in the modern swimming world:

12000 IMs (seen in person as recently as 2013)

100x100 (discussed ad nauseum on the internet with plenty of back-slapping)

You don't need more than a couple sets to get my drift do you? My high school swim coach, a person I love and admire, does the dreaded 100x100s around this time of year. I've never been able to convince her not to. I try to keep an open mind to new people I meet who feel these are productive swimming sets, even though I disagree.

There exists absolutely no quantitative evidence for this training whatsoever. Its defenders often fall back on anecdotal or wholly subjective evidence for continuing it.

One of the most frequent anecdotes passed around is the story of Erik Vendt swimming 30x1000 in 2000. While many take away from this story that there is value in insanely long swimming sets, I see it completely differently. To me, this story and the accompanying picture hammers home three things:

1) This type of swimming set can only be justified for the elite of the elite, the .0001 percent of athletes in the sport like Erik Vendt. I have never coached one of those people and very few of us have. 

2) Consent is incredibly important. Erik Vendt did this set when he was 19 years old. He was old enough to ask for it from his coach and do it willingly. I do not believe that 14 year olds can willingly ask for this type of training

3) Phil Spiniello, despite having a very well-shaped bald head, still looks better with hair.

The most maddening and frequent reasoning I see for these types of sets is as follows : that the shared misery of these sets builds "mental toughness".

First, let us rid ourselves of the term "mental toughness" altogether. It's meaning has been so warped and misshapen by false sports masculinity that it has lost most of its tether in reality.

It is used as a catch-all for processes both real and imagined. Swimmers who win are often described as "mentally tough" after the fact. When they're winning, they are "tough". When they lose, all of a sudden not they are not so tough.

When I was a little kid, Mike Tyson looked extremely "mentally tough" until Buster Douglas punched him in the face.

A New Definition

What is it we really want from athletes in our sport? We want resilience in the face of adversity, we want them to thrive and feel real purpose and meaning in what they do. We want them to love to swim.

There are so many ways to build resilience, purpose and positive emotions that do not involve scientifically unsound training that may be effective for only the superhuman outliers on your team. 

Rather than an opportunity for pushing crazy training, the holidays are an opportunity to make more modest adjustments. Swimmers can recover better, and if you do it right, they can emerge from the holiday break refreshed, swimming faster than ever, and with joy to take them through the hard times to come. 

As my colleague Rick Madge and others have pointed out, swimming suffers from a huge survivor bias when it comes to this type of training. The swimmers that can "survive" these types of sets are, like Mike Tyson, described as mentally tough after the fact when they succeed.

We hear about Erik Vendt because he survived. This is another reason to avoid doing this type of training with young kids. Younger kids are very resilient in many ways- that doesn't mean we should force crazy training on them just because they can bounce back.

The biggest problem with building this false sense of resilience is that once the swimmer cannot "survive" this type of training anymore, which comes for many with age, it's absolutely crushing. All across the country, hundreds of college swim coaches, particularly of women, are nodding their heads at that last sentence.

This holiday season, as you head to the pool to train swimmers, think hard about what you are going to do with the opportunity afforded to you.

Give swimmers something challenging, of course, but give them something that lays just beyond their sense of what they can accomplish. Give them something based in scientific evidence so that they can better understand the purpose. Coach them like you would coach yourself.

Happy Chanukah.

Lessons From My Kid: Performance Resistance

Like most parents, I'm proud of my kid. When she accomplishes something for the first time, however ordinary it might be, I get excited.

"Wow she can count past ten now!"

"Did she just use the word excellent? EXCELLENT."

"Awww she said thank you without me even having to ask."

What naturally followed is, however boring it might be for other people, I wanted them to witness the breathtaking progress of learning that I was seeing. So I would ask my daughter to perform, not in so many words, but basically try to trick her into showing off her skills.

She wouldn't. The second she realized that "Dad" was putting her on display, she resisted swiftly. With a wry smile, she'd give the wrong answer, or ignore me altogether. What's up with that?

Jumping in

Now, I happen to be smart enough that I have contracted out teaching my own daughter to swim. She's been taking swimming lessons for a couple of months now, and is just starting to get a little independence around the water.

A couple weekends ago, she jumped from the side of the pool into the water unassisted. I tried to remain composed on the outside, but on the inside I felt pretty much like Chad LeClos' dad in 2012:

My daughter was excited too, but not for the same reason. She just knew that she had been scared but tried something new and it all worked out.

The next weekend being Thanksgiving, there were no swim lessons. I thought to myself- "she's making progress, I should take to her to the pool to reinforce that".

I told her we would go swim together. She was excited. I said "we can practice jumping into the water!" in my best excited dad voice.

Her face turned. "I don't want to go to the swimming pool daddy" she said looking at the floor. I didn't get it at first. Slowly it crept up on me- she instinctively felt that our trip to the pool had turned into another performance. 

I course corrected: "let's go to the pool and play". The response was a resounding "YAY!!!". We drove over and I decided to just get in the water with her and see what happened.

There were other kids there. One of them strode confidently to the side of the pool and jumped into the water, popping up with a wide grin.

"Can I do that daddy?" my daughter asked. I stifled myself, then responded, "yes, of course".

She must have jumped into the water 20 times or more.

Not Only Parents

I know what you're expecting now. There's an obvious lesson for parents here, I can't deny that. Kids want you to be their parent, period, and you should be so lucky to have them remind you of that.

There's a lesson for coaches as well. Yes, our job does involve the performance of athletes, that is unavoidable. But even our non-related "kids" that toil back and forth in the water for us should naturally push back against coaches putting performance first and relationship second. 

No one wants to feel that they are a collection of performances, because everyone has good and bad days, and we all fail many times on our way to success. 

I'll try to remember that when I'm back watching someone else teach the swim lesson this Saturday, but also when I'm the one delivering the instructions to someone else's kid on Sunday.

Why This Blog Exists

Why am I doing this? It's a question you should ask often when you repeat activities over and over again. Habits can form, and that can be a good thing, but it can also be the way you get stuck in a rut.

As we approach the end of the year, I'm asking myself that question with regard to this blog. Why am I writing it? Here are the big reasons:

1. I love to write and it's my preferred method for interacting with other coaches. I love starting a discussion via blog and hearing from other coaches

2. I love swimming. It's a beautiful sport that I carry with me in everything else I do. 

3. I love coaching and coaches, and the powerful influence coaches wield. The best and worst influences I have had in my life (outside of my own parents) have been coaches. 

4. I think that Positive Psychology is still in its infancy in terms of being understood and implemented in the sports world. I would like to see that grow

5. I have built a business around the first four and I would like people to know about it.

The Harsh Truth

Here's something else you can expect from this blog: honesty. There are two things that are true about honesty.

One is that most people value it. The other is that somebody who is being a total jerk will usually say "I'm just being honest" in their defense.

To the latter, I know that my honesty often stings, and sometimes that makes me a jerk. In the past week I've heard someone tell me they are glad for the podcast because they can tell (and I'm paraphrasing) that I'm not as big of a jerk as they thought once they heard my voice.

I heard another coach (Steve Schaffer) respond to my post about the prevalence of the kind of coaching tactics that got Rutgers coach Petra Martin removed. Schaffer, who always tells me when he disagrees with something I wrote (which is what I like about him), said I should be "careful about painting with broad strokes".

So why do I do it? Because I'd like to see coaching in the sport I love get better. I know that occasionally I'm going to over the line and make some people extremely defensive in the process. Just like training in the pool, it's impossible to know where the line is without going over it.

Finally, rather than pointing the finger, I acknowledge that I am part of swimming and the swim coaching community. I am part of what must get better, and I hope that being honest about what I have learned and experienced I can help others get better too.

Want to know more? Write me!

The Line Between Humility and Modesty

I have to admit, that as of a few weeks ago, I didn't really understand what humility and modesty really meant. I thought of them as synonyms and I used them as such:

"Don't be so humble." I would admonish a swimmer for downplaying their accomplishment.

"You're being modest." were my words for a colleague that didn't mention their success.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago, while at a conference, that an aggressive but well intentioned man approached me after I spoke and blew me up. "It's ok to be humble, but you're being modest and it's a problem.".

I took a big gulp and mumbled "can you tell me more about that?" even though what I really wanted to do was get as far away from his critique as I possibly could.

Impostor Syndrome and Self-Promotion

At various stages of our lives, we hear that we must become skilled self-promoters. The first time I can remember being pressed like that was applying to college. It made me deeply uncomfortable. "SELL YOURSELF" was a weird piece of advice that I got over and over again.

When I fully moved to adulthood, I heard a version of the same when it came to applying for jobs. I labored over cover letters and resumes. How could I convince people I would be great for their job without being a lying braggart.

I struggle with something that I think most every person does. Impostor syndrome is that little voice in the back of your head that seeds doubt in your very real accomplishments. It can tell you to be modest- to hold back some of your best qualities and accomplishments as if they aren't real.

The Absence of Exaggaration

Humility, I learned, is something else altogether. Some of the most wildly self-promotional, confident or even trash-talking people I can think of are actually quite humble. Let me explain.

Humility is knowing who you are, and who you are not. It's the lack of false confidence. Garrett McCaffrey termed Lily King the "Larry Bird of Swimming" and the analogy couldn't fit better. Both back up their talk- there's nothing false about what they say.

When Larry Bird announced to other competitors in the inaugural three point contest that they were playing for second place, he was right. 

False Modesty

Modesty is, I've come to understand, false by definition. Imagine if, asked if he was a good shooter, Larry Bird had said "I'm alright". That would be modest of him to say, just as it would if Caeleb Dressel described his start as "pretty good" or Greg Meehan commented that recruiting at Stanford is "going well."

Not admitting that you've done something great doesn't serve others either. Again, imagine again the hypothetical of Caeleb Dressel with a "pretty good" start. What does that leave your average age grouper thinking about their ability off the blocks?

Humility, knowing who you are and what you have accomplished and presenting it without embellishment, is admirable. It's a virtue. Crossing the line and downsizing your accomplishments doesn't serve you or others. When it comes to it, draw the line at humility.

Talent: For When We Can't Explain

Talent. it's a word that we somehow cannot escape in sports. People define and use it a lot of different ways. It's meant to describe someone's "natural ability" for something, that when combined with a process of improvement, provides a crude formula for performance.

For the purposes of this post, I want to talk about a slice of that definition that is particularly troublesome. Talent is often assigned to individuals after the fact. We look at somebody who has already performed well and declare that they are "talented". Too often, this designation distracts us understanding the process by which that person gets better.

Take Anthony Ervin. Countless people have told me how "talented" Anthony is. He's a good example, because the talent description is more frequently given to sprint swimmers. If you read Anthony's book, you'll find a lot of frustrated swim coaches. They couldn't get Anthony to be "with the program".

The implication for many would be that Anthony Ervin did not work hard. In fact, his book lays bare that Anthony had a very different process for improving his swimming. I think many people did not understand this process, but I don't believe that talent takes you to a gold medal in the 50 free.

So, the next time you are considering a fast swimmer and their "talent", challenge your assumption of their natural ability. Admit that maybe, just maybe, there is something about the process by which they became fast that you do not yet understand. 

As coaches we have so much to learn from swimmers. All throughout coaching I hear the quote that "there are many ways up the mountain" to describe the different ways coaches coach and still have successful swimmers. What I believe is that swimmers can find many aways up the mountain, some of which we as coaches didn't even think were possible. 

It's Time To Reconsider Diana Nyad and Jack Nelson

Diana Nyad says that she was sexually assaulted by her swim coach, Jack Nelson, starting in 1964.  Most recently to the New York Times, she told her story in graphic detail. Nyad is a vexing case to write about, primarily because she has told a lot of tales about her open water exploits.

As Nyad was garnering national coverage for her Marathon swimming exploits, there was a frothing rage in the Marathon swimming community. Many of the things that she said just didn't add up. 

So, there's ample evidence that we shouldn't trust Diana Nyad when she starts telling us about her open water swims. Those lies should not, however, cast doubt on what she has to say about Jack Nelson.

Nyad has consistently accused Nelson, despite the fact that the most powerful people in swimming don't acknowledge her. In fact, they instead lauded Nelson, who to this day sits in two Hall of Fames, both the International Swimming Hall of Fame, and the American Swim Coaches Association Hall of Fame. 

I'm going to write to a coach today, a coach I've made no bones about my admiration for. I'm going to ask them how they feel about sitting in the same Hall of Fame with Jack Nelson. If someone you admire is on this list, you might consider doing the same. 

In the broader cultural upheaval we are all witness to, it's time to revisit what Dyana Nyad has been telling us for decades. We can right this wrong, but only if we choose to believe her on this. Nyad has gained little and lost a lot by speaking out.

Imagine the message we are sending to people who are being abused right now. They can confidently tell themselves that not only will they not be believed, but their coach will be held in high esteem and never pay for his crimes. By believing Nyad we can send a better message to the most vulnerable people in our sport.

The Failure of Self-Esteem and Other Movements

I was raised in the hey-day of the self-esteem movement. Or at least it seemed like it. When I was young, I can remember coaches, teachers and adults all-around fretting about the self-esteem of youngsters. Self-esteem was the answer to all life's challenges.

Depressed? You need high self-esteem! You'll feel better about yourself and won't be so sad.

Eating disorder? It's because your self-esteem is low, so you're seeing a fat person in the mirror.

Anxious? Relax! We weren't so good at even recognizing anxiety in those days, so we often didn't graft self-esteem on 

Bullies had low self-esteem, and somehow so did the kids they were bullying. Criminals? Suffering from low self-esteem. If only we could raise the collective self-esteem, we could sure solve a lot of problems.

The Solution Graft

Seen with 2017 eyes, all of the above seems ridiculous. In fact, the pendulum seems to have swung so far in the other direction. "Kids these days" are criticized for their excessive self-esteem. They want everything right now because they are so special, so precious, right?

Meanwhile, all the problems that self-esteem was supposed to solve are still there and getting worse. 

The lesson here is not about self-esteem. Rather, it's about how we graft whatever piece of psychology that goes mainstream to the problems we want to solve, occasionally to disastrous results. It's how we fail to interrogate the solution as we race to apply it.

For all the talk about how people are throwing pills at their problems, there is an almost equal willingness to plug the solution du jour into any situation. Last week I wrote about how "mindfulness", especially in the form of meditation, has grown as a "solution" that can be grafted onto a lot of problems. 

As a coach and writer, I know there is a long list of concepts I don't write about because I simply don't know enough about them. I don't know enough about a lot of things to ensure that if I put it out there I wouldn't do harm. It's humbling, even sometimes crippling, to consider all of the things you don't know. 

When it comes to the psychological trends of the day, the best way I've found to avoid the "self-esteem" problem is to cast doubt on them until I'm out of disputations. It's one of the reasons that, while my ego absolutely hates it, my rational mind loves when people are highly critical of what I write.

They've often come up with a new argument, one I hadn't thought of, and i'm a little bit wiser for it. So, I guess what I'm saying is, to all the biggest critics of this blog: thanks. 

The Selflessness Switch

The question was "How do people with jobs that require pessimism: lawyers, firemen, policemen, turn that switch off in the rest of their lives?". It was posed to Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology and the man behind "Learned Optimism".

It was a stumper. Seligman is man with many answers but he couldn't conjure a satisfying response to this one. Lawyers, who must imagine the worst possible outcomes for their clients and do everything to prevent it, or policemen, who must imagine the worst possible threats to their own and others safety, must somehow find a way to flip into a completely different mindset when they put their job down for the day.

It made me think about coaching, a job that doesn't require pessimism. It does, however, on many levels require selflessness. Coaches feel a strong pull to day in, day out, put themselves out to the athletes in their charge and not always get the same in return. Which begs the question: how can coaches switch their selflessness enough to be their best selves?

Too much of a good thing

Some of the best coaches I know are selfless to a fault. Let me explain. They are suffering from health problems related to their lack of self-care. I recognize the trap because I've fallen into it too many times to count.

The last time I can remember was a year ago. My mother was dying of a brain tumor, and I had the time and flexibility to pour myself into caring for her. I didn't set good boundaries. Before I knew it I was deep down in a hole, deeper than I'd ever been in my life. 

The best coaches I know can tell a similar story. About how they don't make time to exercise but are there for every kid they coach (including running extra practice for Allie so she can go to that lecture). Or how they've foregone relationships because it was just too hard to fit into their coaching schedule with so many nights and weekends.

Or how they've stayed and coached a team because they felt such strong loyalty to the swimmers that they work with their, sacrificing a better life for their own family so that other families can thrive.

I certainly don't have an answer, but I want to start looking for one. Coaches need a selflessness switch, a way to turn off the thing that makes them so great for the athletes they coach for long enough to be great to themselves.

The Poop Sandwich Does Not Work

Long ago, I was taught a very simple formula for delivering critical feedback to a swimmer. For the purposes of this blog I'm calling it the poop sandwich, although it is usually described more colorfully. Here's how it goes:

Positive feedback: "Hey great job having a pulse!"

Negative feedback: "However a heart rate of 85 is sub-optimal for swimming improvement. Let's get it up"

Positive feedback: "You chose a wonderful pair of goggles today."

The idea of the poop sandwich is simple. People do not like getting criticism, so you sandwich it in two slices of delicious praise. Somehow or other, the poop sandwich has had some legs as a coaching technique.

Unfortunately, no matter how well you dress it up, it's still just shit.

The Bigger Picture

There is a kernel of truth to the sandwich. Nobody likes to be nagged. Excepting people who are stuck in abusive relationship patterns, individuals do not seek out overwhelmingly negative feedback.

Getting people to listen to tough feedback as a coach is more than anything dependent on the quality of relationship with that person. Research suggests that close relationships need at least a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions to be successful. 

What does that look like in a coaching relationship? Well the first part is that you will need a lot more positive feedback than the sandwich provides. Here are some ways I like to get that ratio  up:

1. Express gratitude: Tell swimmers on an individual level what you are grateful for about them. Speak to their character and do not take them for granted things they do day to day

2. Acknowledge progress: In coaching, you can get really far on your ratio by recognizing progress. Sometimes a coach can focus on "not there yet" instead of "one step closer". Acknowledge one step closer, however big or small.

3. Call them out when they help a teammate. Make it explicit!

4. Empathize. Even if it may not seem "positive", letting your athletes know you see them when they are struggling is something that they will carry with them in their relationship with you.

Honesty Matters

The poop sandwich also doesn't work because people can smell it coming from a mile away. It often feels inauthentic and forced. You know instinctively when someone else is dressing up criticism with some compliments, and often forget the compliments.

Focusing on finding authentic moments outside of when you have to deliver tough criticisms will go a long way to making your critical feedback far more effective.

Want to learn more about how to incorporate Positive Psychology into your coaching? Write me.

More than Mindful: Five Ways to Transcend Without Meditation

Meditation. It's all the rage right now. Elite athletes are doing it.  Schools are teaching it. Maybe your very clever swim coach is having your team do some yoga and at the end, you are laying flat on your back trying to find a meditative state.

Why is meditation so big? Well, in a world where anxiety is on the rise , where many people feel stressed and overwhelmed and get less rest than they should, it offers solutions. Not only that, but heavily research backed solutions to those problems.

But meditation in a traditional sense isn't for everybody. I want to suggest a more inclusive model for sports coaches to use when they seek to help themselves and their athletes find peaceful, mental recovery in an otherwise stress ridden world.

Strengths of Transcendence

The VIA Strengths category of transcendence holds five strengths. Each one offers a window into how you can bring purposeful, mindful respite to your life. I myself am not a meditator, but I've used each to achieve the same benefits many people cite from meditation.

1. Appreciation of Arts and Beauty: Do you stop and smell the roses? Do you stop and LOOK at the roses? Maybe you should.

I'm not much for museums myself, but spending time admiring whatever you find beautiful is a wonderfully transcendent experience. When I lived in Denmark I used to stroll through downtown Copenhagen because the architecture itself knocked my stress down a few pegs

Likewise, when traveling for competition I scheduled time to see something cultural like Old Baku whenever possible.

2. Gratitude: I've already written a whole post on gratitude, so I'll add little here. But Gratitude is a great way to get out of a vicious circle of thinking about all your problems and share a good moment with someone you appreciate.

3. Hope: Like gratitude, Hope is a great strength to tap into in relation to other people. Sometimes it can be very hard to find hope in our own lives, but we can see it clearly for others. Also, writing out reasoning for why you may allow yourself to hope for some ambitious goal is a great step to having that hope and following up on it.

4. Humor: You know what helps me more than any amount of sitting cross legged with my eyes closed? Laughing.

The colleague I miss more than any I have ever worked with is a man named Mark Toburen. Why? Because almost every time I spent extended time with him, he succeeded in making me laugh so hard that I cried. I knew that Mark too, got a huge release from making me laugh.

5. Spirituality, Sense of Purpose: This is the strength that people most often associate with meditation. There is so much more here.

People who pray get a similar benefit to meditation. Religious faith in general can have extremely positive effects in the way that you manage stress and anxiety.

Non-religious people like me need only use our rational brains to figure out why faith is so impactful. So much of stress and anxiety comes from worrying about things that are beyond our control or we can't explain. Imagine believing that there is an omniscient being out there controlling the uncontrollable and explaining the unexplainable. Sounds pretty comforting to me.

I hope by now you see that there are far more ways up the mountain when it comes to transcending our daily lives than just meditation. Finding what works for you can change the way you manage daily stresses so it doesn't overwhelm.

Want to learn more about how to use your character strengths? Contact me. 

Why Coaches Fear New Knowledge

Yesterday, I wrote about three common objections to Positive Psychology from swim coaches. Today I want to talk about a fourth, that goes way beyond Positive Psychology. Many coaches (myself included) fear new knowledge.

On its face, it seems ridiculous. Coaches are competitive- why would they fear new knowledge that could help them get better. A level below, however, there are a lot of very rational reasons coaches find themselves pushing back against something new.

Fear of Not Knowing (FONK)

Last week I was at the annual gathering of people who have graduated from Penn's Masters in Applied Positive Psychology program. I was inundated by people asking innocent questions that all went like the following:

"Have you ready book/paper/study on concept/idea/practice?"

Even in the field where I consider myself an "exeprt", it is completely impossible to keep up with all the research, all the books and all the new ideas floating in the ether.

My gut reaction is shame. Despite the fact that it is impossible to keep up with everything, I feel embarrassed. I feel like an idiot. That shame makes me feel defensive. So even though I am speaking to a nice person who just wants to have a shared conversation about something they guess we might have common knowledge about, I can start to get a little cranky.

It's good to be aware of this. FONK and the associated shame and defensiveness can keep you away from knowledge that can help you.

Fear of Being Wrong

So let's say you break through your defensiveness and get to learning about a new idea. Very often, a new idea or concept may challenge an existing set of beliefs that you have.

Good coaches are good coaches because they believe very strongly in what they are doing. That strong belief is essential to their swimmers also believing in what they are doing, and that belief is a huge boon to strong results.

Coaches have to walk an incredible tightrope. They must be open to new concepts that challenge their existing beliefs while believing strongly in what they are doing and giving to the swimmers that they coach. 

To do so, they need really strong countermeasures to the fear of being wrong. When I started as a coach, I was more scared than anything of being wrong. Doing so made me rigid in my beliefs and heavily critical of others, which was ultimately not very productive to my own coaching development. 

But Is It Better?

If, as a coach, you have successfully navigated your FONK, warded off any guilt about potentially being wrong, you will get to evaluate a new belief your existing one. Any good coach will ask themself: is it better?

This is the final fear: the fear of dropping a belief that "works" for something that in your own mind is yet unproven. This is how I feel when I talk to Joel Rollings about streamlines. I can see what he is saying, I am not scared of not knowing it or being wrong. But when it comes to telling swimmers not to streamline, I am scared. Is it really better than streamlining, a belief I have held since about 1992?

Humility, but not modesty

I think the answer to all these questions, at least for me, is humility. I am learning to be humble enough to realize I will never know everything, nor will I always do the right thing or have all the right answers. Even some of the things that I am most confident in, I am humble enough to know that someone out there may have something better.

It's important to draw a distinction here between humility and modesty. Humility is to acknowledge some basic human truths. Modesty is to create false beliefs that you are less than what you are. Modesty is where you lose your strongly held beliefs that are some important to coaching well, without many of the gains of humility.

So I'm staying humble.

Want to learn more about how to change your mindset for learning and growing? Contact me.

Cultivate Vulnerability

In the past year of coaching, I learned something I never knew before. Vulnerability is a secret weapon.

I'd always been told variations of the same thing coming up in the ranks. "Make sure you start out tough with 'kids" so they'll respect you". Or "You can always be nice later". I was to "make sure you establish your authority" in nearly everything, or chaos would ensue.

All of those things are at least in some part true. But for me, focusing on this advice led me away from another crucial piece of showing leadership to a group of other people. Moments of vulnerability as a leader are crucial in helping those you lead out of some of their most challenging situations.

I'm terrified too

We all coach swimmers who's mind works against them on competition day. They've trained hard, they've worked to improve their technique. From the neck down, they are ready to be better than they ever have before.

In these moments the mind can override all that work and undo its competitive advantage. This phenomenon can be extremely frustrating as a coach. It's one I've written a couple times about before, but there are yet more ways to approach it. 

I used to say all of the following to anxious athletes in an attempt to make the situation better:

"You'll be fine"

"There's nothing to worry about"

"Don't worry about it, just get up there and go"

I wouldn't recommend any of them. They all dismiss a real feeling the athlete has and signal that you do not want to engage that feeling.

For a different angle, try a vulnerable response. In a quiet moment, hopefully long before the actual competition, tell them about something in your life that fills your stomach with butterflies. Start a conversation with them by admitting to your own humanity, that you too sometimes have a bubbling fear you can't clamp down.

In doing so, you signal that you do recognize what they are going through and have empathy for it. You give them the room to admit that they are struggling with something, the first step to overcoming that struggle. You signal that you are someone who wants to help them with that struggle.

So, when you're out there coaching, be that awesome expert with tough standards, that pushes people to their limits with one hand. With the other, show your struggles so that others will show theirs too and work together to make them better.

Want to learn more about how to incorporate character strengths into your coaching? Contact me.

Letter From a High School Coach to a Club Coach

I'm coaching a high school swim team. After announcing it on this blog, I promised that I would share the letter I would send to the year round coaches of swimmers that are on the team. The following is a template that I will send with some personalized modifications:

Dear Coach,

This coming season, I will be the head swimming coach for Oratory Prep. It has come to my attention that (swimmer) competes year round representing your team. I am writing you today with the intention of beginning a dialogue about (swimmer’s) swimming career. I believe that this is important to do because if we can find a way to work together, then we will be doing the best thing for (swimmer).

First, I want to recognize some of the limitations of high school swimming and how we can address them. The season is short, and so are the events. If (swimmer) is training to compete in distance events, that information is incredibly important for us. I will ask swimmers to report this information to me and will communicate to them that their season plan all practices will be designed with their long term development in mind. 

To that end, there are two huge areas where you can help (swimmer) as it pertains to high school swimming. First, I would like to hear from both of you what the most important competitions are that will take place during this high school season or following it. In turn, I will communicate where the highest priorities of the coming high school season are, and I invite you to discuss with me how we can come up with the best possible way to prioritize these competitions. 

Second, your experience coaching this swimmer is invaluable to me and (swimmer). Please share with me as much information as you can about what works well for (swimmer), What kinds of things he responds well to, what he doesn't and all that you have learned about (swimmer) both in terms of swim practice and your relationship with (swimmer)

Lastly, your sharing progress on what kinds of challenges the swimmer is currently working through would be extremely helpful. I will continue this work when (swimmer) is with me. I will be an open book and communicate with you what we have been working on at our practices.

Please let me know what the best way to communicate with you would be: I am happy to talk over the phone, meet you at your practice, or continue this communication in writing

I look forward to working together with you and (swimmer) to help him achieve his long term swimming goals.

Chris

Modern Backstroke Owes a Lot to Roland Matthes

In Nicholas Nassim Taleb's "Antifragile", he describes a phenomenon he calls "neomania". Neomania is characterized by the "love of the modern for it's own sake". Often in the sport of swimming, there is technical "neomania".

We look at the latest, greatest swimmer and try to analyze what made them great. Then we try to copy that. Lately, I've been heavily influenced to look into the past. It can be easier to pick apart old swimming videos and the swimmers in them for technical flaws. Earlier this year I looked back at Matt Biondi and what first struck me where his painfully awkward breakouts. 

On further look, however, there are so many things that Biondi did right in swimming that aren't necessarily emulated by today's swimmers. That's a shame. In order to get a better understanding of how swimming should look, sometimes we must look backwards. That's why I titled this post "forgotten technique".

Rolling Mattress

One of the swimmers who has always fascinated me is German backstroker Roland Matthes. When I first heard of him, it was impossible to find footage of him actually swimming. But descriptions of his graceful swimming abounded.

He had acquired the nickname "Rolling Mattress" for the way he seemed to slip calmly down the pool when swimming backstroke. Matthes was incredibly ahead of his time, as you'll see for yourself in a moment. In 1968 he dominated the Olympics, winning the 100 backstroke in 58.7 (no other swimmer was under 1:00) and the 200 backstroke in 2:09.6.

By 1972 the competition was far stiffer, but so was Matthes, as he improved his winning times to 56.7 and 2:02.8.

I finally found footage of Matthes at the 1968 Games, and the quality is actually incredible:

Again, the flaws are easy to find. Matthes is so dominant that he actually has time to turn his head around in the way you might scold a 10 year old for doing at the end of the race to find the wall.

That said, there are a number of things that Matthes did that are truly impressive and that a fair amount of world class backstrokers today miss.

The first is the start. Again, your eye will hate the start on first look, as Matthes nearly backflops straight out into the water. But just before he enters, Matthes does a reasonably good job of collecting his upper body (hips through shoulders and hands) into a collective unit. He's arching a bit, but it's nothing in comparison to the exaggerated arches some of his competitors are doing.

For what it's worth, the best modern example I've seen of a swimmer nailing this collection is Natalie Coughlin. Look at the position of her upper body through hands around 2:32 of this video:

As for the actual swimming, it's easy to see why Matthes earned his nickname. While many of his competitors look "bouncy", Matthes arm seems to somehow enter the water and begin pulling immediately and powerfully. 

Without underwater footage it's hard to make determinations of how deep Matthes is pulling, although you get a decent view around 0:23. His pull is rather shallow, and looks remarkably similar to what Ryan Murphy does now:

As we constantly try to move forward in swimming, it's just as important to look back and recognize the strengths of those that came before. Swimming "technique" is not just constantly moving forward, and sometimes we risk losing beautifully wonderful things swimmers of the past (like Matthes) used to do.

The Rumor Mill: Let's Go Lindsay Mintenko!

Since last week, when I mistakenly thought we were about to get a new National Team Director at USA Swimming, I can only come up with two scenarios:

1. USA Swimming is finally reviewing my application and will contact me shortly

2. It's going to be Lindsay Mintenko, you idiot.

Now, it's important to recognize that the same "smart people" who are telling me that Lindsay Mintenko will be our next national team director are the ones who told me that Mike Unger would have Tim Hinchey's job right now. So take this rumor with a huge grain of salt.  

When I first heard this rumor, I have to admit: I was flooded with some terrible man-feelings about it. I didn't like that Mintenko was brought onto the National Team due to the patronage of Mark Schubert. I thought that the hiring of Mintenko was essentially the rewarding of somebody who has been incredibly loyal through a fairly tumultuous time in USA Swimming's history. 

Finally, I thought that, ironically, her hiring would re-inforce a lot of the misogyny in swimming. This position since its inception has been a position for coaches. I could probably think of fifty women that are more qualified as coaches than Lindsay Mintenko.

I thought all of those things, and then took a deep breath. None of that is Lindsay Mintenko's fault. I called a friend and talked it through. By the end of the conversation, I had reversed course. It would be great if Lindsay Mintenko was the next National Team Director. Here's why:

1. It's not a coaching position: One thing that has been paradoxical about this position's history is that it has always gone to coaches. But we keep hearing that it's not a coaches position! So why do we keep hiring coaches?

If the position is essentially head administrator for the national team, wouldn't somebody who has been working in an administrative, organizational role with the national team for the last twelve years be the most qualified person we could find? 

2. Few people have any idea what she's done: On face value this sounds like a knock on Lindsay but it's not. It has not been her job to self-promote the work she's doing in Colorado Springs, in fact it would certainly be held against her if she did.

I can imagine that if she is elevated we will all of a sudden hear about how much work she was doing behind the scenes and what a big role she played on the national team. That's nice, but we should have heard about it a lot sooner.

One constructive criticism (I'm trying to be nicer these days) that USA Swimming should take to heart is that the vast majority of stakeholders in USA Swimming have no idea what the salaried staff in Colorado Springs do.

That needs to change, starting with Mintenko, regardless of whether she gets the job.

3. Mintenko has possibly already been doing the job for far less in compensation: Again, this is from even the job description itself an administrative job, and it's hard to imagine that the two coaches (Mark Schubert and Frank Busch) have been terribly interested in admin during their tenures.

It is likely that Mintenko, like many woman across the world, has already been doing a lot of man's job for way less money than that man is getting paid. It's time for her to get paid.

Cross your fingers with me: Lindsay Mintenko for National Team Director!

Simple Gratitude Exercises for Coaches

Gratitude is not necessarily the first trait people grab for when describing a great coach. Imagine saying "She's the best coach- she's so incredibly grateful". Sounds weird right? Well, I'm going to make a case for how building gratitude more intentionally into your coaching can really help. Then I'll talk about some really easy ways to start doing that.

Gratitude is (hopefully) something we all practice every day. We say thank you to someone who holds the door. Maybe we tell a loved one how much it means to have them in our life. We are not inherently grateful or ungrateful, we are the sum of the gratitude we put out into the world day to day.

When you practice gratitude, you create virtuous circles, the opposite of a vicious cycle. You send gratitude out into the world and good things come back to you. This exchange of gratitude will put you in a more positive emotional state. Being in a positive emotional state has a host of benefits: it helps your relationships, and you are more ready to learn. Simply put, it can make you a lot better at everything you do. 

So how do you cultivate gratitude beyond your daily routine of thank you and please? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Replacing "I'm sorry" with "thank you for...":

For this one I have to credit my colleague Sherri Fisher, who patiently taught me to do this in the last year. There are so many little situations where we end up apologizing where gratitude can fill the space better.

Imagine you are late to a meeting. You burst in the door.

"i'M SO SORRY I'M LATE"

How do you think other people in the meeting feel in that moment? Some of them are probably annoyed. Even though you apologized unconditionally, the statement is still all about you. Try this instead:

"Thank you for your patience in waiting for me"

Now you've shown gratitude to other people, and acknowledged something positive in them instead of making it about you. There are still situations where an apology works best, but gratitude can fill a lot of gaps.

2. Tell people what you like about them

Here's a simple mission: when you show up to the pool today, give a simple appreciation to each person you interact with.

I know the first thing I learned as a coach was to diagnose problems. I could see what was wrong, and what needed improving. On the flip side, I tended to take for granted what was right and what people were already doing well.

But it's hard to have a self-awareness of what you are doing well. Many people, especially younger people, can easily doubt and find fault in themselves. Telling them something you like about them can help them to learn what they are good at.

3. Insert gratitude into tense situations

Do you ever get stressed it starts snowballing? Use gratitude to reverse course. I've been alone with my three year old daughter for a couple weeks while my wife travels, and it's stressful. I try to be a good parent and not let it get to me, but the stress builds.

Last night, my little girl was testing my limits about going to sleep. I was highly annoyed, which wasn't helping. Instead of yelling, I tried gratitude. I looked her in the eye and told her a simple truth:

"I love every day we get to spend together".

A tear welled up in my eye, and all of a sudden I didn't feel so stressed. Neither did she- she looked at me wordlessly and gave me a hug. Five minutes later her eyes were closed.

Want to learn more about how to put Positive Psychology into practice on your team? Write me. 

Be Honest About Your Practice

The first year I coached swimming, I had a set that I went to a lot. It went something like this:

10x100, 2:00

I don't remember how fast I specified that the swimmers went, but I wanted them to go for it. I saw it as a "high intensity" set. I would have probably told you that the goal was for swimmers to at least be at "200 pace". AT LEAST.

I was way wrong.

I went to the set for the reason that many beginner coaches go to certain sets. It was something I knew. It was hard- so at least I could look myself in the mirror and know that I was putting a challenge out there.

What I didn't realize was that by putting out a set where my expectations didn't match the reality of how swimmers could actually swim the set, I wasn't getting the best out of them.

Let me back up and make a couple things clear here. If you set dishonest bars for your athletes to get over, they may end up being honest for somebody. This is why we have exceptional athletes in our sport. I would gather some world class athletes could make something optimal out of such a set.

Furthermore, there are ways to get the psychological advantage that many coaches think they are getting by putting out dishonestly hard sets without lying to the swimmers. Being dishonest actually undermines a fundamental piece of coaching that most of us are shooting for.

"Process" is probably one of the most overused buzz words in sports right now. We all want our athletes focused on process. We're supposed to praise process over results. So why give training where an unrealistic RESULT is the primary thing you are trying to communicate to swimmers?

Let me give another example:

12x50 "ALL OUT" on 1:30

Think about how most if not all of the swimmers you coach would honestly swim such a set. They might be able to go "all out" for few, but unless their speed is very poor, they will face increasingly diminished returns. They will learn something you don't want anyone to learn: that no matter what they do they are helpless.

This is akin to something we would not want a swimmer we coached to do. Imagine if your 1:06 100 breaststroker told you her goal in the next race was to go under :58. And she set that goal for all subsequent races. Would you consider that strong goal setting? How many swimmers would be able to come up short on such a goal repeatedly and keep smiling?

Now before you make the logical jump to "no result expectations in practice!", there is some value to setting a "result" expectation as a coach in practice. Swimmers should train with reasonable intensity and know what they are shooting for. 

So before your next practice, honestly evaluate where your swimmers are and avoid making "aspirational" result expectations for what's going to happen. What do you honestly expect them to do? How can they do it better, and how can you communicate that to them really concisely?

Be honest about your practice. 

The Rumor Mill: Who Will be National Team Director?

I know because I saw on facebook that Frank Busch is officially done doing the job of National Team Director. One would think, then, that his replacement would be named very soon. But, as of the publishing of this blog there has been no formal announcement of the new National Team Director.

Sadly, I have to report that despite my compelling application I was never contacted. So I'm left to wildly guess about who the next national team director will be. Let's have some fun:

1. David Marsh

Why? Because making up rumors of David Marsh doing stuff is fun, for a lot of people. Because people like David Marsh, and he is one of the few people with a resume that fits the job. Because it's been a long time since we had a National Team Director with curly hair, and it's time for a change!

Why not? Umm, well, there is the whole thing that he took a new job a few months ago. One would think that if there was mutual interest between Marsh and USA Swimming they would have wrapped this up before he did that.

2. Bob Bowman

Why? Michael Phelps. 

Why not? Is it really more attractive than his current job? By all accounts Bowman is well compensated by ASU and free to do any number of other things to benefit from his coaching reputation. Being the National Team Director would actually put Bowman in a box that I'm not sure he should or would really want.

3. Augie Busch

Why? Nepotism!

Why not? Because the Swimswam comment section would spontaneously combust

4. Sergio Lopez

Why? Most people consider him one of the best coaches in the world. 

Why not? America can be a bit snobby about our position in the swimming world, so there could be a sentiment against hiring someone who's most similar job experience was for a tiny place like Singapore, no matter how well he did. 

5. Dave Durden

Why? He is very handsome and coached a number of the top athletes on the 2016 Olympic Team. Has been on international coaching staffs for quite a while despite still being young.

Why not? Does he want to stop coaching? The National Team Director doesn't do much coaching. Is he at the stage of his career where he wants to make such a move?

6. Teri McKeever

Why? Because she's really really well qualified

Why not? Life is not fair and misogyny is systemic. 

7. People Not From America

Why? Because they might have fresh ideas about how to improve American swimming

Why not? See the Sergio comments above. The only country "we" consider close to us is Australia and their coaching ranks are a complete mess at the moment.

8. Jack Bauerle

Why? Very successful college coach who is somehow peaking in his mid 60s.

Why not? Because Georgia apparently backed up the Brinx truck to get him to stay. 

9. Greg Meehan

Why? Greg Meehan is so hot right now. 

Why not? Very similar argument to Durden. Does he really want to step off a sure NCAA contender for the next decade at his age to not coach anymore?

10. Wild Card: Susan Teeter

Why? She's available right now. Great at telling the truth.

Why not? YOU CAN"T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Shaming is Not a Coaching Technique

When I was a senior in college, just finishing my swimming career, my teammates laid down bets. Their gamble? How much I would weigh by the time I finished school in just a few months.

I was in the best shape of my life that year, a slim 6'1, 180 lbs. The heavy money was on 200 lbs,. and they ended up being right. Inside, I felt shame. Shame was just one end of a pernicious cycle- wherein I would isolate myself emotionally and try to push away shame with food and alcohol. Doing so would only lead to more shame.

The swimmers didn't come up with the idea to shame me on their own. A permission structure was already in place from my coach. His primary tactic for getting me "in shape" was to shame me. 

A lot of coaches think that shame works. It certainly invokes strong emotion, and sometimes that strong emotion can lead to change. But use of shame is playing with fire- a game that many coaches may not even be aware of.

Shades of Shame

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever publicly reprimanded an athlete in front of their peers? I know I have. That's shaming. Although it may feel "right" and "necessary" in the moment, I want you to reconsider.

Have you ever used group punishment for individual behavior? 

I cringe thinking about the time I pointed out that a 13 year old girl should "close her mouth" when eating. As a mom chaperoning our trip pointed out, her braces prevented it. 

Have you ever compared one athlete to another? Even if your intention was to use one athlete as a positive role model, there's a good chance you elicited shame. 

As with any good rule- ignorance of it is no excuse. Shame has serious consequences. So what kind of positive coaching can we replace it with?

Tough Positivity

One objection coaches will immediately say to me is "so I have to stop telling people they are wrong ever? That's how we got this spoiled generation". I am not saying that at all. There is a way, however, to still set boundaries around what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behavior.

It's harder, but you must communicate one-to-one to swimmers the specific action you consider inappropriate. Be clear that you do not believe that the action is a part of who the swimmer is. Express optimism that they can improve in the future.

For swimmers that struggle with fitness, as I did, there is often a lot of emotional coaching to be done. All of the commonly employed shaming techniques (weighing in swimmers, public comments, etc) only make things worse. As a coach you cannot start from expectations of fitness, but you can have a huge impact on the emotional health of your athletes.

Instead, you can help your athletes to feel positive emotions. Make them feel connected to you- communicate often that you care about them and show it with your actions. Express empathy for what they are struggling with. Show them what they are capable of doing and empower them to do it. 

Learn to recognize shame and talk about it openly with your athletes. Teach them to be empathetic to each other and recognize what things may be leading them to shame. 

Let's drop shame from the coaches toolbox forever.

Want to incorporate Positive Psychology into your coaching? Write me!